Monthly Archives: October 2007

Happy Anniversary to my husband!

I love you.

I always said I would marry you all over again. So, today, on our fifteenth wedding anniversary, I am renewing my vows to you.
(No family getting lost or the power going out in a bridesmaid’s house so she almost missed the ceremony.   No waitress spilling a tray of drinks down your tuxedo!)

But I’m keeping the ceremony and vows, because they’re so beautiful and wise.

No minister, no rabbi, no public official can marry you. Only you can marry yourselves. By a mutual commitment to love each other, work toward creating an atmosphere of caring, consideration and respect, by a willingness to face the tensions and anxieties that underlie human life, you can make your wedded life come alive.

From this day forward, you must come closer together than ever before; you must love one another in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, but at the same time, your love should give you the strength to stand apart, to seek out your unique destinies, to make your special contribution to the world, which is always a part of us. You stand here as two people who wish to express your emotions within the framework of a meaningful life. You bring that particular personality and spirit which is uniquely your own, and out of which will grow the reality of your life together.

You will find no set of rules is better than a common sense approach to what is naturally right and wrong in your consideration of each other. Remember also the importance of keeping a sense of humor because it will keep many situations as unimportant as they should be in your marriage. Understand each other’s faults and always consider your responsibilities to each other as partners in a long and beautiful life together.

John, I want to live with you just as you are. I choose you above all others and that is the only evidence there can be that I love you. I take you as my husband. I pledge to share my life openly with you, to love and respect you when we are together and apart, when life is peaceful and when it is in disorder. I will honor your goals and dreams and help you to fulfill them, and encourage your own fulfillment as an individual through all of the changes in our lives.

Happy Anniversary.

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Carpal tunnel syndrome, here I come!

Yep, I signed up for NaNoWriMo again!  What the heck, why not tackle writing another novel on top of the writing projects I already have!  But I had a huge sense of accomplishment by writing that book and this time, I hope to have something I can seriously consider polishing for publication.  At least, someday.

What might have been.

If I could’ve been
what I could’ve been
I could’ve been
somethin’ …

— from the musical Working

Something odd — even extraordinary — happened to me last year. I was riding in the car with John when the world shifted. I was pulled out of it a little bit, just put out of sorts as if I sat within the seconds in time that everyone else lived. And I saw a woman standing a little distance away: me. A different me. Confident, happy, stylish – her own style, and I knew she was who I would have been if I had stayed with what I was born to be. That little girl you see in the upper left corner (if you’re on my site) should have grown up to be her. You can see it in her, in them both.

She smiled and waved at me to follow. If you’ve ever seen the movie The Kid and the moment when the older Bruce Willis looks at himself as a child and as a 30-something year old with an enigmatic smile…. it’s the same moment. When I couldn’t follow her, she waved in understanding and walked away, fading into the light that surrounded her. John called me and I shifted back.

I am not her.

I am white trash. I didn’t become what I was born to be but what I gave in to be and what my fears and lack of confidence made me create instead.

Maybe that odd surreal moment was meant to inspire me. I still think of that other me now and then. Sometimes, I think about her a lot. It’s because of her that I pulled over my car last night and put the top down to enjoy the moonlight, even though others would have scoffed at it. She knew the windows could be up and the heater on and that the moonlight was worth it. It’s because of her that I went to the shore last night even after John pointed out some of the shops would be closed. I went, comfortable with going by myself, for the ones that were open, the sights of the town, the beauty of the night, to go ever so slowly behind horse drawn carriages and listen to the drivers’ voices float back to me, and to stand on the beach for the unique sight of the dark ocean under the moon suddenly show up as dark silver as the waves churn and crash on the sand.I just wish I could be her the rest of the time.

But I’m not. I don’t blame others. I could have resisted and insisted, but I gave away the strength to do it.

Now it’s just dreams that I’m stuck with
and hell, that ain’t a lot to show
I haven’t gone far from the starting line
but deep down inside where it counts I know …

If what I could be
had been left to me
I would’ve been somethin’ …

When you get caught between the moon and…

We needed to get out the house, but couldn’t agree on where to go. Maybe we needed to get away from each other too. Anyway, we both went out and I headed for the shore.

Cape May was calling my name. Just the thought of walking around in the open air mall, seeing the Victorian homes, and the town’s unique charms…. John didn’t like the idea so it was a good place for a solo night.

The whole evening was wonderful. I zipped down the Parkway, not a lot of traffic, clear night with a large moon. Somewhere between Wildwood and Cape May, I had a pickup truck ride my bumper TIGHT and flash his high beams. Anyone who knows me knows I was not driving slow, and they also know I have a temper and this triggered it. Fortunately, it also triggered my sense of humor, in a sardonic way. I tapped my brakes and sent him swerving into the other lane. He kept playing with me for a few miles, riding my bumper, and at one time, trying to floor around me. But with a open straight ride and no cops around, my Mustang just laughed at his Chevy truck as if it mocked, “She doesn’t even have the pedal half way down, I’m in overdrive and you can’t reach my doors!” The truck gave up and tried the riding the bumper routine with the high beams on again. Another quick tap of the brakes knocked that off and the truck left around Cape May Courthouse, flashing high beams at me. Sore little loser.

Cape May was everything I hoped for. I pulled into town and was immediately behind a horse drawn carriage. I put down the windows to hear what the driver said about the historic buildings. Another carriage came up behind me, and I almost put the top down so I fit better into this caravan of horse vehicles.

I stopped at the open air mall. The Christmas shop added an art gallery upstairs…. sigh, so many wonderful art pieces and I love Christmas shops. From there, I talked to the girl handing out fudge samples, browsed through an actual old five & dime COMPLETE with the soda fountain/ice cream counter! I walked through the bookstore, a t-shirt shop (with one of the stupidest shirts ever, put out by another person blind to what Christianity and religious freedom really means), and the angel on my shoulder kept me from giving into things that ruin diets and things I liked the sight of but didn’t need.

Until the sign for pumpkin and cinnamon twirl custard, which is when the angel on my shoulder left with the devil to get a cone!

I drove around, enjoying the different Halloween decorations and then went to the beach. I had to see the beach…. someone was giving a guided tour of Cape May and I just enjoyed walking along the promenade.

Eventually, I left and took Ocean Drive into Wildwood. I say that like I did it on purpose, but the truth is, I somehow always end up on Ocean Drive. My car must prefer the view, because it was a beautiful. The moon on the water as I crossed over the bridges actually made me stop to see it better.

Cape May has a romance to it, a charm that always makes me wish I lived there. Wildwood has embraced a different era: a retro stylized version of the 50s that makes me glad I’m cruising in a Mustang convertible. And from there I went back on the Parkway.

I didn’t go far before I thought of putting the top down so I could really see the moonlit sky and surroundings. I almost didn’t do it — with the fall breeze? — but then I called myself ridiculous for giving into the voice of some boring surbanite and pulled over. It was the perfect thing to do: the moon lit up the car interior, I could still see it now playing on the water in places, and it was symbolic of the kind of night and trip this was. I felt fantastic.

And after all, I do have heat.

I so enjoyed the drive, I couldn’t believe how fast it went. Without seeming like a blink of an eye, I was at my exit for home.

Beautiful night….

In case you think John got screwed, he was out the door w/o me and didn’t come until after I did. LOL!

Take 2 fun videos….

life’s bad, not looking good…. We need a laugh:

No, it’s not good…

John just lost his job.

His company is owned by a corporation.  Last week, they found out that a corporate financial officer borrowed money against them.  He lost the money in bad investments and acquisitions, and John’s company had their accounts wiped out by it.  Plus a million and a half debt.  The financial guy then quit before he took too much of the heat.  The corp.
was going to shut down the place, but the RV upper mgt. got together and worked it out to buy the co.  It saved everyone….until late last night when the corp. contacted them and said they were having second thoughts.  A few minutes ago, they sent people, shut the company down, and ordered everyone to get immediately.

We’re still hit by the bombshell; I don’t know what else to say…

Are things ever going to good again?

Not according to my horoscope….  oy.