If only St. Anthony could really help….

Actually, I’m from the age where we were told to pray to St. Anthony to find things you lost, but I know that was the thing to do for awhile.

And I wish it would really work.

I was on eBay and saw a watch I really liked for a great price.  The thing is: I can’t buy watches for myself.

If you look at my first post, I mentioned that I was 5 or 6 when my Nana, my Mom’s mom, gave me my first watch: a simple Timex with a yellow band that had cut-outs of hearts on the wrist.  I can remember clearly her putting it on my arm like some rite of passage; it probably wasn’t that way to her, it was more likely this sweet gift she gave her little granddaughter to say, “You’re getting so big!”   But to me, listening to her as she told me how important it was that I was learning to tell time, like a big girl!, and I had to take care of that watch…. well, I thought I hit the “grownup” leagues – or at least took one more step towards it.  I only had eyes for her hands putting that watch on my wrist, then I looked up at her, then dashed out of her shore house to show my teen siblings: “Look at what I got!!”

You have to give them credit: they made the appropriate “OOO!” and “You’re getting big!” comments.

I kept that watch all these years.  The band obviously broke and was replaced a few times.  I used to joke that I was going to contact Timex and say all those commercials were true: “It keeps a licking and keeps on ticking!”  That little watch survived all my tomboy antics, puberty, banging on college and then office desks…. Then a couple Christmases ago, I wound it too tight; it stopped running.  But my husband found out it only needed a cleaning, it was fine, and it went back on my wrist.

A few months after that, I was at the gym and took it off, putting it away in my bag to keep it safe.  I went to put it on the next morning and it was gone.  I talked to the gym, searched the car, the house, everywhere…. I’ve never found it.

Anytime I go to buy a watch, I think of that one and I can’t.  And I had tons of watches over the years, I wore a holiday one just this past year.  There’s even the same kind of watch for sale on ebay, but to get it or really wear any kind of watch….  now they’re just reminders.

I know I’m overly sentimental over objects.  Maybe I made too much of having it for over 30 years and that it kept running that whole time.  But I can’t stand that it’s gone.  Maybe it’s some letting go – of childhood, my Nana, the memories of that golden afternoon — that I can’t handle.  I keep thinking, someday, I’ll be looking for something somewhere, and St. Anthony will bring me back my watch.

I know it won’t happen (– probably) and that the whole thing is stupid.  But I can’t buy a watch or wear one in its place.

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