I told you not to say, “It could be worse”!

Because that’s when it gets worse.  Hence, this week.

When all the problems happened with my stepfather, my family decided to slowly make contact, first through my one brother-in-law who was good friends with Ralph.  We figured, if we casually made friendly contact, keeping things neutral and relaxed, we’d have good base to someday sit down and talk about the situation.  That’s what started happening awhile ago.

During this, a couple of my sisters kept saying they wanted to call him.  I warned them he might get mad again, but they said they were ready.  Both of them did call and said how wonderful things were.  I asked how it went when they brought up how we didn’t steal things etc., and they both, in slightly different words, admitted they hadn’t discussed it because they were afraid to.  They were afraid he wouldn’t talk to them and they NEEDED to have a relationship again with him.  But they had hope for the future.

Somehow, this change last week.  They went from starting friendly so we can later discuss the problems to we don’t have to discuss the problems, because things are great like this.  That then morphed into “What are talking about?  What problems?  That’s all fixed.” even though they had never discussed them.  In fact, they thought anyone was crazy to think being called thieves and banned from our mom’s home is a problem.

This past weekend, to make a long story short, these two sisters got abusive; calling me names, accusing me of things, saying that I had to make amends for Ralph, not the other way around.  They acted very sanctimonious and pious, pretty astounding for who wanted to cause arguments at the funeral luncheon.

Meanwhile, during their holier than thou routine of honoring our mom’s memory, I was the one who went to the cemetery to finally remove the funeral flowers and clear around her name plaque.  Do they have any idea how hard that was?  But I hated seeing those dead flowers thrown around and then when I saw the outside ground crew just ran over some of them, shredding the ribbon that once said Mother to bits of crap on the ground…. I couldn’t leave that there.  It was so wrong.

Where was my so 2 sanctimonious sisters who swear they’re doing the best to honor Mom?  Not there in the cemetery, taking care that her site is respectful.  Their sending emails about how much she’d hate what I’m doing by insisting we settle this argument issue.

Yesterday, I emailed them saying I was tired of these attacks and wanted them to at least admit to what they’re doing and why. Gerry denied everything and Cathi told me to get help with my anger issues.  I replied by pointing out, first of all, that they attacked again, saying I had some mental problem and they were not acting like friends and family.  I said this wasn’t being family, keeping the peace, or anything else they pretended it was; it was being abusive.  That the abuse caused me physical problems, including chest pains, as well as hurting me emotionally, and that I’d be an idiot for allowing them to abuse me any more.  I figured, if I continue to allow the abuse, then I’m just as much to blame.  I blocked their email accounts and told John not to take their calls.

Last night, I thought about it some more, wondering if I went too far.  In the end, I decided that if nothing else, don’t give them ammunition for saying how vindictive I am.  I removed the block on their emails, but have their messages automatically deleted so I’m not seeing them.  I think I need to get away from this nightmare to regroup a bit.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I just couldn’t take the abuse anymore and I didn’t think I should. I don’t think I’m wrong to want to actually settle the issues with Ralph, not ignore them.  I can’t let someone think I’m a thief and say the things he did while I plaster a smile on my face and bury my head in the sound rather than risk the confrontation.

I don’t know.

Except this is getting worse and worse and worse.  And I need a break.

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2 responses to “I told you not to say, “It could be worse”!

  1. (hug) Poor you. That does suck.

    From what I’ve picked up on through the years, your Mom was the nucleus for you crazy Nash kids. And she did a good job of getting you all in order, so to speak. Now that she’s moved on, you electrons are crashing into each other – there’s no guiding force as you’re trying to reestablish the “core” of the family.

    My “assvice” – as a complete outsider. Ignore the sisters, ignore Ralph. Take care of yourself while you try to start to heal.

    Now why did your brother move 3000 miles away again? 😉

    (I need to find the CD w/my Disneyland photos this weekend.)

  2. Hang in there, Erin. As difficult as all this is, remember the good people who surround you! You and John need to hold on tight to each other and you will be strong. Hugs from a friend!

    Sandy

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