I talked with Ralph yesterday. I had spent some time getting facts together to settle the issues that had cropped up. John was away this weekend and didn’t want to go with me when I did this, so I figured it was a good time. I’d like to say I wasn’t nervous or uncomfortable, but I was.
I went in calmly though and let him talk about other things for awhile. Then, when I was throwing something out in the trash, I reached into the cupboard and pulled out the bowl that we had supposedly stolen. I used that as the beginning point. The interesting thing was, they had found the bowl awhile ago and was already caught in that lie. I next brought up that Ralph has known me for over my life, how well he should know me, and brought up how I was the one home when he and Mom started dating, including that first date when he came over to meet me, to the last night at the hospital when he and I were the ones first in Mom’s room to say goodbye. I went through other key points in our relationship and then tackled the accusations. In the end, he admitted none of it was true. I brought this up a few more times, including when I was leaving; again, not just to resolve my part in all of it, but for the whole family to be cleared.
We also discussed Mom’s things and other issues, but also had a good talk about everyday things, and our memories of Mom.
He was nervous and uncomfortable too; he squirmed when I brought up the accusations, but we both stayed calm and talked it out. The only thing I forgot was the scrapbooking stuff, and I’m sorry about that. I meant to cover everything that was up in the air, but that can now be handled when we talk about other things.
I emailed my family today to let them know, and I told the ones who had been so insulting and unsupportive that we should heal that, as a family, but I would never, never give into abuse either. Not from outsiders, not from my family or friends, not from my husband. It’s not vindictive, it’s self-respect.
We’ll see how that goes over….