I’m MSTie over Batwoman!

Just to be clear, I don’t mean the new DC Comics Batwoman who does rock!  I’m talking about Batwoman from the 1966 movie.

You’re probably wondering why you haven’t heard about this character before.  Why, when even the Batman and Robin with the nipples on their costumes get a ride at the Six Flags theme parks, has this Batwoman been abandoned?

For one good reason: this movie sucks.

You might have figured that out from the title; after all, I did see “The Wild World of Batwoman” through MST 3K (Mystery Science Theater).  You don’t get MSTied because you’re a good film. But since a picture is worth a thousand words, you have DC Comics Batwoman up above, and here is the Batwoman we’re talking about.

Superhero or Dominatrix?

Superhero or Dominatrix?

You might think that Dominatrix comment is too harsh.  Well, here’s her arch enemy, Rat Fink:

A guy with a black mask/hood with women chained up

A guy with a black mask/hood with women chained up

Now how, you wonder, does Batwoman fight crime in this outfit?  Never fear! Because  Batwoman’s superhero abilities are!

Calling people on the phone!

Yep, it’s true!  She has all these young women run around the city with these wrist radios (actually, they look like flat bracelets) and when they see a crime, they call Batwoman and tell her to call the police.  That’ll strike terror in the hearts of criminals!

Her sidekicks, by the way, are called Batgirls.  The movie was made when the Adam West tv show was hugely popular.  Go figure, DC Comics sued the movie’s creator for copyright infringement.  This guy was dumbstruck: how could DC Comics think he was ripping them off?  Just because he had a crime fighter with a bat symbol on the chest, the same exact one Batman has?  Just because he had Batgirls in his film?  To fight back against DC, he said that his Batwoman wasn’t a crime fighter, she was a vampire.  Two things hurt this theory.  One, the movie poster saying:

Which says she’s a super-heroine battling evil, not a vampire.  And 2: NO ONE in the movie ever calls her or the Batgirls vampires.  So the director quickly filmed and added a scene to the beginning where the Batgirls say they’re vampires, but not ones that drink blood anymore.  This makes a confusing movie even worse, because you have no idea why they’re saying this and it’s never referred to again.  Although fighting crime is.

And how these people fight crime!  Basically, this film is the director’s really bizarre sexual fantasies with a Batman logo.   For example, you’ve seen Batwoman’s crime fighting costume.  The Batgirls wear….

….bikinis.  Or other beach wear, except for Batwoman’s “first officer” who wears a tiger print halter top and low cut clingy pants.  They also take the Batgirl oath which, I’m guessing, is the same one the Moonies must take except this one puts in the name Batwoman in place of  Sun Myung Moon.

Another example of the terrifying fighting force: when 2 men capture one of the Batgirls, you can imagine the edgy, gritty, tension filled scenes that show this.

20 minutes of Go Go Dancing

Complete with lots of butt shots.

When Rat Fink tells his evil scientist to fight against the Batgirls, he gives them a happy pill that makes them….

yep, dance.  Sometimes with guns.

And when Batwoman sends out a signal later on that Rat Fink is making his move to destroy the world (or city, I dunno which.  It’s a confusing movie.), with the use of — are you ready? — a hearing aide and nitro — promising her Batgirls will bring evil into justice, what do they do?

Yep, dance.  In bikinis.  On the beach.  For 10 minutes.  Oh, AND they make out.  Then Batgirl #1 drops the guy she’s making out with and tells the other  Batgirls it’s time to find the bad guy.

In case you think this is all they do while the world is falling apart, Au Contraire!  They also hold a seance.  Where the spirits suddenly break out into the most appalling Chinese imitation you ever heard.

Oh, remember that monster from the movie poster?  Well, blink and you’ll miss them.  They’re suddenly thrown into the film during the hearing-aide-of-destruction climax and they don’t  seem to have anything to do with anything.  This movie has about 57 plots going on, most of them are there for a few minutes and then disappear.  Like:

From Bad Movies.org:

This movie has 3 openings; two of witch have nothing to do with the plot. First, we find out how girls join Batwoman and her synthetic Vampires by drinking…YOGURT! It gets worse.

The second is a mugging gone wrong and the Batgirls who witnessed him can do only what Batgirls can do…CALL BATWOMAN! That’s it. Nothing else. It gets worse.

The third opening, and the one that HAS something to do with the movie are all the Batgirls at a dance club. One of them is given a drugged drink by Tiger and Bruno while the other Batgirls just dance and dance for two more minutes. And yes, it gets worse.

Look, 3 plots and we’re only a few minutes into the film.

I could make fun of this movie all day.  After all, I haven’t even mentioned the freaky henchman that one reviewer called a “subpar Tor Johnson”.  That’s right: a SUB-PAR Tor Johnson.

But why give away any more of the movie?  I might have convinced you to watch it to laugh at a bad film, or you just want to see all the go-go dancing and bondage costumes.

If you don’t want to watch it, but you’d like to laugh at it some more, check out these links:

Badmovies.org: http://www.badmovies.org/othermovies/wbatwoman/

The Monster Shack: http://www.monstershack.net/reviews/full/wwobw.php

And for the full treatment – The Agony Booth: http://www.agonybooth.com/recaps/The_Wild_World_of_Batwoman_1966.aspx

PS: I have to say – the avatar I made  for this post is going into my favorites!

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One response to “I’m MSTie over Batwoman!

  1. I must see this movie; it sounds awesome.

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