- Listerine, it looks good on a corpse. Listerine, books and pages, dresser drawers.
- Mrs Brown, you’ve got an ugly daughter. Girls as fat as her are something rare.
- Hear the groundhogs say, you can get naked ok, you can get married in the altar this way.
- Ooh, baby, do you love that Smurf?
- Her name was Lola. She lost her shoulder.
- She said, ‘I think I remember the bill. Yes, as I recall I paid, we both had the ice cream’
- Last night I dreamt of a bagel.
- You got me doin promotions!
- Bre@sted women, sick of swimmin’.
- Pink Pajamas! Penguins on the Bottoms! Pink pajamas, penguins on the bottoms!
1. Mr. Crowley by Ozzy Osbourne
Real lyric: Mr. Crowley, won’t you ride my white horse? Mr. Crowley, it’s symbolic, of course.
Misheard: Listerine, it looks good on a corpse. Listerine, books and pages, dresser drawers.
The story: I was the bass player in an Ozzy tribute band, and the singer, knowing my faux paus on these lyrics, handed me the mic and told me to take it, and I messed it up. I thought the crowd was just laughing because of my disfigurement.
2. Mrs. Brown You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter by Herman’s Hermits’
Real lyric: Mrs Brown, you’ve got a lovely daughter. Girls as sharp as her are something rare.
Misheard: Mrs Brown, you’ve got an ugly daughter. Girls as fat as her are something rare.
The story: My dad used to sing it all the time. One time, I heard it in school and sang along with it–to the amused and horrified looks of classmates and teachers!!!
3. The Ballad of John and Yoko by Beatles
Real lyric: Peter Brown called to say you can make it okay, you can get married in Gibraltar near Spain.
Misheard: Hear the groundhogs say, you can get naked ok, you can get married in the altar this way.
The story: My sister and I were singing this song along with the album one day, and I stopped short as she sang the wrong lyrics with gusto. I took the needle off the record and said, “WHAT do you think they’re saying?!?” She said it, somewhat embarassed, and I informed her what the real lyrics were. This began the “Valerie, what HOW does this song go?” craze I suffered through most of my teenage years.
4. Heaven is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle
Real lyric: Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth?
Misheard: Ooh, baby, do you love that Smurf?
The story: Brother-in-law still swears these are the words.
5. Copacabana by Barry Manilow
Real lyric: Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl.
Misheard: Her name was Lola. She lost her shoulder.
The story: My daughter (5 years old) heard the song and asked: ‘Where did Lola lose her shoulder?’
6. Breakfast At Tiffany’s by Deep Blue Something
Real lyric: She said, ‘I think I remember the film. Yes, as I recall, we both kinda liked it’
Misheard: She said, ‘I think I remember the bill. Yes, as I recall I paid, we both had the ice cream’
The story: I thought ‘Tiffany’s’ was a restaurant or something and they had breakfast there. (Editor’s note for newbies: ‘Breakfast At Tiffany’s’ was a 60s movie starring Audrey Hepburn.)
7. La Isla Bonita by Madonna
Real lyric: Last night I dreamt of San Pedro
Misheard: Last night I dreamt of a bagel.
The story: Ever since the first time I heard this song, I honestly thought that the lyrics really were ‘last night I dreamt of a bagel’. I found out the real lyrics when I was singing in my aunt’s car one day and did my ‘bagel’ lyrics when my aunt stopped me and told me the right lyrics.
8. Emotions by Mariah Carey
Real lyric: You got me feelin emotions
Misheard: You got me doin promotions!
The story: I swear to god, the first time I heard this song on the radio that the dj announced it as ‘Promotions’ I thought, ‘God, has it come to that? Is this girl so desperate for material to sing that she’d write something like this?’ I figured it had to be a joke, but it wasn’t until I heard to the song a second time that I realize I’d misinterpreted it.
9. Part Of That World by Little Mermaid
Real lyric: Bright young women, sick of swimmin’.
Misheard: Bre@sted women, sick of swimmin’.
The story: In the movie where Ariel sings this part, she sticks her chest out. Being the perverted little girl I was at that age, I thought she meant that since she was so grown up, having bre@sts and all, she should be allowed to do whatever she wants.
10. Circle of Life from The Lion King by Elton John and Tim Rice
Real lyric: Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba! Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba! (Translated from Swahili: Here comes a lion, Father!)
Misheard: Pink Pajamas! Penguins on the Bottoms! Pink pajamas, penguins on the bottoms!
The story: My friend was singing this song one day when we were hanging out. I had no idea what the real lyrics were, but I knew for sure they had nothing to do with sleepware!