Monthly Archives: March 2009

Misheard lyrics quiz!

I’m late posting this one because the wedding was more important. Enjoy!


  1. Kick a chicken with it
  2. Shamu the mysterious whale
  3. She鈥檚 got electric b00bs. Her man has two! You know, I鈥檇 really like a magazine!
  4. Who ya gonna call? Those b*stards!
  5. We built this city on the wrong damn road.
  6. I catch nine trout. I put them in my mouth. I’m never gonna get more trout.
  7. If you wanna do my mother, You gotta get her a Benz…
  8. Dirty deeds and they’re done with sheep….
  9. The smell of fat chicks just puts a smile on my face.
  10. Man, it’s a hot one. Like seven midgets in the midday sun.


1. Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It by Will Smith

Real lyric: Gettin jiggy with it
Misheard: Kick a chicken with it

The story: My cousin heard me singing it and died laughing , then she clued me in to my dismay, all that time I thought I had the words right but didnt understand the meaning , like it was a slang meaning. Boy did I feel stupid.

2. Mysterious Ways by U2

Real lyric: She moves in mysterious ways
Misheard: Shamu the mysterious whale

The story: Every one laughed!

3. Bennie and the Jets by Elton John

Real lyric: She’s got electric boots, a mohair suit, you know I read it in a magazine…
Misheard: She鈥檚 got electric b00bs. Her man has two! You know, I鈥檇 really like a magazine!

The story: I was a freshman in college when I sang my version in front of my roommate. She laughed and told me I was mentally unstable, so I spent about ten minutes defending my interpretation until she looked up the real lyrics and showed them to me.

4. Ghostbusters by Ray Jr. Parker

Real lyric: Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!
Misheard: Who ya gonna call? Those b*stards!

The story: It was my dad, actually. He phoned a radio station to complain that they were playing this!

5. We Built This City by Starship

Real lyric: We built this city on rock and roll.
Misheard: We built this city on the wrong damn road.

The story: This is what my friend Rachel thought the words were.

6. Tubthumping by Chumbawamba

Real lyric: I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down.
Misheard: I catch nine trout. I put them in my mouth. I’m never gonna get more trout.

The story: It was really just with family, but I felt like an idiot when singing it in front of people.

7 . Wannabe by Spice Girls

Real lyric: If you wannabe my lover, You gotta get with my friends
Misheard: If you wanna do my mother, You gotta get her a Benz…

The story: Rather not talk about it

8 . Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by AC/DC

Real lyric: Dirty deeds and they’re done dirt cheap…
Misheard: Dirty deeds and they’re done with sheep….

The story: Actually, it wasn’t me, but a friend in high school who was singing along at the top of his lungs with the song while we were in a car.

9 . Suffragette City by David Bowie

Real lyric: This mellow-thighed chick just put my spine out of place.
Misheard: The smell of fat chicks just puts a smile on my face.

The story: I was singing karaoke on a first date. Needless to say, once he picked himself off the floor from laughing, there was never a second date.

10. Smooth by Santana

Real lyric: Man, it’s a hot one. Like seven inches from the midday sun.
Misheard: Man, it’s a hot one. Like seven midgets in the midday sun.

The story: I was singing karaoke on a first date. Needless to say, once he picked himself off the floor from laughing, there was never a second date.

What a great wedding!

Ann sure knows how to put a wedding and reception together! Everyone had a phenomenal time!

Here’s your officiate! I got ready at work and Beth nicely took photos of me. She also lent me an Irish ring that she bought in County Kerry.

It’s not quite what I’m wearing in my avatar, but no one complained.

You know, if you add a cowboy hat and a longer coat, it’s my outfit from the Hershey Park photo! John, however, was dressed completely different than he was.

But of course, no one is more beautiful than the bride:

What class!  How chic!

What class! How chic!

Which is a lot different than the rehearsal when she said, Look at the bling I’m wearing with my gown!

I already said she and Mike had so many wonderful Irish Celtic touches, like the calligraphied table cards with the names of places in Ireland instead of numbers:

Our table, Killarney

Our table, Killarney

The place settings with little bottles of Baily’s Irish Cream and boxes of chocolates with Celtic symbols and shamrocks:

A bagpiper:

And this poem to her parents who are gone, and her saying she knows her mom is looking down and smiling today:

They had a small Celtic sword to cut the cake and a plate with an Irish blessing:

Did you notice the cake topper?

She has place cards similar to the table cards, and again she did the calligraphy for all of them. I had a picture of ours, but like an idiot, I didn’t upload it! I’ll fix that tonight.

This is Ty, one of Mike’s groomsman. He said to me that he thought humor was important and did I plan anything in the ceremony like that? I told him that I hadn’t planned anything because “if you think we’re getting through this without something to laugh at, think again.” We didn’t get the whole bridal party down the aisle before having the whole room burst out in a laughter.

Its all about attitude, baby!

It's all about attitude, baby!

Here’s a photo from the ceremony. If you know me, you know this a familiar pose: my big mouth wide open. That’s my niece and Ann’s youngest, Kylie, peeking out in the corner. She was flower girl.

John sang at the wedding and had our friend Glenn accompany him on the guitar. Don’t listen to what John says, he did a wonderful job!

I do wonder if I should worry about all the lavender in his outfit, especially when he said Glenn was the best date he ever had.

The ceremony will always be one of the greatest moments of my life. Every minute felt so good, being able to look over and see the happiness in John’s eyes, and the times when I spoke directly to Ann and Mike, and you could feel the moment wrapping around us so it was this special bond we had. I can’t thank them enough for putting their trust in me to do this, and for the utter love and joy in their eyes as they looked back at me.

I even had people coming up and telling me how much the ceremony itself (since I had written it). One man even quoted parts of it! I was so surprised and thrilled!

Yay!  I didnt screw up!

Yay! I didn't screw up!

Here’s the happy couple making their entrance! And here’s a video of them walking in to that classic wedding song, Highway to Hell!

It was so great to have the family together! Some of us couldn’t make it and we missed them, but we celebrated being together:

Eddie, Martin, Ann, and John.  We kept calling Eddie the Skipper all night.

Eddie, Martin, Ann, and John. We kept calling Eddie the Skipper all night.

Ann danced with each of her brothers and they hugged each other tight at the end of the song:

I could go on and on! About how great the reception was; about how wonderful it was seeing Briana as a bridesmaid, Nick escorting in Mike’s mom, Kylie and Connor in the wedding party…. all the antics we got up to during the whole night! But it’d be War and Peace!

And my boss is coming out of a meeting soon. 馃槈

Here’s the photos that we took.

And here’s ones that a friend of Mike and Ann’s took. I can’t wait to see what the photographer has!

I’m officiating at my sister-in-law’s wedding!

Some people might remember when I wrote that I was getting legally certified to be an officiate. Ann, John’s sister, then did me the great honor of asking me to perform her wedding. I even got to write the ceremony! And today is her big day!

They’re having the wedding and reception at The Castle, and have come up with so many wonderful touches for everything! Eddie, John’s oldest brother, is giving her away, John is singing, and Martin, his other brother, is reading an Irish Blessing. Ann’s oldest daughter is a bridesmaid, while Nick, her oldest son, is escorting the mother of the groom. Her two youngest, Conner and Kylie, are ring bearer and flower girl. (Last night at the rehearsal, Connor wore a t-shirt saying Ring Security. 馃檪 ) Everything has Celtic touches, including place cards for the guests and their tables that Ann did the caligraphy for herself.

I’m excited and nervous. This is a great experience and very important for them. I want to do a fantastic job.

I wondered what I should wear and used the movies to pick a role model: Mother Nature from Santa Clause 2. My robes are beautiful and so is the headress, even though it’s a bit heavy.

OK, obviously I’m joking. My friend Suzanne helped me pick what to wear: a stylish, feminine tuxedo. So now you not only have to get over the shock that I’m performing a wedding, but I’m going to look feminine. 馃槈

Keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well, and I don’t end up like Mr. Bean in Four Weddings and a Funeral!

Yo momma’s so dumb that when she surfed the internet she put a wetsuit on!

You know you really reached a sophisticated level when you post about Yo Momma jokes.聽 But–

I had a need for a “Yo momma” joke yesterday.聽 Don’t ask why; the reason doesn’t make me look any better than this post does.聽 You can always count on someone to use the great communication and research tool of our time — the Web — to have sites for this kind of thing.聽 Search for “Yo Momma” jokes and you’ll find a ton, even an international one which is really what I needed.

Actually, don’t search for them, because most are really bad.

So I sent the joke to my friend Tootie and that started off an afternoon of find the funniest ones we could. Thankfully, it ended before the president of the company walked by, because that’s an embarrassing thing to be caught doing:聽 being on the phone with a co-worker saying —

Yo Momma so big that when she fell in the Grand Canyon, she got stuck!

I’m sure that’s against some company policy.

By the way – White people: remember that when you do this to use the bad hip hop accent that we use.聽 Don’t say you do a good imitation of聽 the accent; you don’t.聽 Just admit it and come stand over here with your people.

I never even liked Yo Momma jokes before, but these were funny. It’s not about insults, it’s about creativity and humor:

Yo Momma so big that she fell in the ocean, Spain claimed her as the new world!

Yo Momma so big, she can climb Mt Fuji in one step!

Tootie actually debated that this one wouldn’t be about weight, it’d be about height.聽 Which is a reason to love Tootie: she debates the validity of Yo Momma jokes.

That’s no moon.

It’s Yo Momma.

Yo Momma so old, she owes Jesus a dollar!

Yo Momma’s so scary, they changed Halloween to YoMamaWeen.

It just hit me that I’m actually typing up Yo Momma jokes….

Yo mama so big, Dora can鈥檛 even explore her.

Yo Momma so big, she makes Shamu look like a tic-tac.

And the last one:

Yo Momma so dumb, she thought Fruit Punch was a gay boxer.

That’s my favorite.聽聽 Although… YoMommaWeen…..

Hopefully, one of these gave you a chuckle!

Verizon says No Cool Phone for you!

Have you ever wanted a new piece of electronics (or some other kind of toy) for a stupid reason?聽 That’s where I am now.

Before this, I loved the iPhone and the phones like it, but I didn’t feel the burn to get one myself.聽 The only thing I wanted in a phone update is a full QWERTY keyboard and a better camera.聽 When we go on vacation, I like mobile blogging and those features would make it easier and better.聽 Then, I found this while searching for webcams:

Broadcast Live from Ustream Mobile!

From what I see, you can down do your webcam from your phone and it’ll go to your setup. (Of course, if you have that embedded on your blog, your readers will see it there too.)聽 Most people who comment on it are using it to view other people’s webcams on their iPhones, but I’m really interested in the broadcasting.聽 I like having our webcam set up when we go somewhere, like these from Disney’s Fort Wilderness, and this would really expand on this.聽 Now it wouldn’t just come from the cam on the PC, but wherever we are.聽 When I was on the beach in Barnetgat, LBI, I could have had live video.

My phone won’t let me use the app, so I looked up the compatible models.聽 Here’s the But!聽 I can’t use any of them with Verizon Wireless.聽 After some research, I found out why — and an interesting fact.聽 To avoid using the technical details, Verizon uses a different network software than companies like AT&T, and their network won’t let me use anything like the Nokia phone I liked.聽聽 If I got an unlocked Nokia E series or an iPhone from eBay, Verizon would let me use it, but I wouldn’t have any of the functions like getting and using these apps.

According to some posts, Apple actually offered exclusive contract for the iPhone to Verizon first and Verizon turned them down.聽 Also according to these reports, Verizon is calling customers who said they left to go to AT&T for the iPhone, and asking them would they come back if Verizon Wireless got the iPhone.聽 They said if Verizon allowed full usage of the iPhone, then they would come back.

Of course, it’s silly that I want that functionality not so I can do email or some cool other app (I can do email and web surfing with Verizon phones), but so I can do a webcam from it.聽聽 And my phone and the Verizon network works great for making and receiving calls, which is the purpose of a cellphone.


It reminds me of the bad decision made by the company where I worked in the mid-90s.聽 An Exec VP applauded Microsoft’s idea of making MSN to compete with the Internet; when a company signed up to have content on MSN, they had to agree not to have a Web site.聽 “Who needs the Web, like Bill Gates says!” this VP said to all of us. “Even a reporter for the Wall Street Journal said that in 10 years, the Web will be a wasteland except for a few personal homepages.聽 Our company does great on CompuServe and we could always go on Gates’ version of the internet, the MSN.”

Well, in 10 years, the Web still thrived.聽 Gates admitted defeat in getting people to abandon the Internet to be on MSN.聽聽 Our company had to close every office but one because business tanked with no web presence, and聽 that VP got fired. (I bet the Wall Street reporter did too.)

So that experience makes me think that Verizon had better wise up.聽 We may want the equivalent of the Web for fun applications as well as all the business uses, but it still means big business for the people who provide it. Verizon better figure that out before it rides their own MSN to the bench with that VP and reporter.

Don’t be chasing the iPhone market with something that has less functionality.聽 I don’t have to have an iPhone, but I want something that allows for those apps.

Apple sells about 16 iPods for every 1 Zune that Microsoft sells according to recent reports.聽 The important thing to me in that statement is: iPods and Zunes will both play mp3s, both use software to download those mp3s and videos.聽 They wisely didn’t block each other (granted, they can be awkward with each other’s software, but it’s not blocked) or only allow their propietary audio and video formats.聽 That allows them to compete in the market.聽 If Verizon had its own apps AND changed their network to allow these other apps and phones, they have a bigger business.

And I get my app.聽 馃槈

All Ears Net: Disneyland menus updated!

The Disneyland resort menus have a major upgrade!聽 Just about all of them are updated and the rest will get updates in the next couple of weeks!

Major thanks to All Ears team members Laura and Lisa who got the updates.聽 Laura especially was a focused, one woman strike team!聽 She and other team members have gotten a ton of Disney World menus so you’ll see a lot of updates in that section too!

How To Photograph A Puppy

How To Photograph A Puppy

路 Remove film from box and load camera.

路 Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.

路 Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

路 Choose a suitable background for photo.

路 Mount camera on tripod and focus.

路 Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.

路 Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

路 Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.

路 Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.

路 Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

路 Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy’s nose.

路 Put magazines back on coffee table.

路 Try to get puppy’s attention by squeaking toy over your head…

路 Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.

路 Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, “No, outside! No, outside!”

路 Call spouse to clean up the mess.

路 Fix a drink.

路 Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink, and resolve to teach puppy “sit” and “stay”.